HOW TO ENCOURAGE AND COACH YOUR CHILDREN –
RATHER THAN NAG THEM
The language a parent uses can empower or dis-empower a child – get it right and you can leave a child feeling inspired. However, get it wrong and the child will limit themselves and feel disempowered, criticised and 'nagged'.
The Millennium Children® are the new generation of children who are often more sensitive, emotional and reactive. As a result, they require parenting that fits their sensitivities and personalities. By taking the time to encourage them rather than nag them you will have a happy child that accesses their potentiality. The key is to have life tasks given in uplifting and fun delivery so that the child learns to ‘want’ to do things rather than ‘have to’.
Encouraging children to do things, learn and discover life can be fun for the parent as well as the child. Yes, it may get tiring at times but if you know in your heart that the long term effects/affects will be rewarding you will want to continue. Encouragement is inspiring and helping a child whereas nagging it disempowering and will make you feel tired and frustrated.
There are simple, easy and effective ways to encourage your child.
- You are the example of what is possible
You lead the way for children as they watch you sublimely. Your words, actions, body language are important for children to watch. If you are excited about putting your ‘toys’, clothes, dishes away your children will pick up on this. Your every action will be mimicked. Children like to imitate their parents – it is all a game to them.
- Life is a fun game
In a child’s mind, learning needs to be a like a fun game. So if you give instructions like a game, and invite a fun outcome, who could resist! It is proven that any person will learn when they enjoy a process so create a game for simple things such as making their bed, cleaning their shoes, putting their washing away. cleaning up toys etc. This could be as simple as a game ‘chasey’ where you play funky fast music and attempt to get all the jobs achieved before the music stops. The outcome is a bed time story.
- Voice
The sound and tone of your voice will also empower and encourage a child. When giving an instruction you can use a low and quiet voice that is assertive. A high screaming voice will cause the child to switch off. Requests should be asked once with encouragement and a tone that is inviting. When yelling at a child to do something they will blocks their senses as a survival part of the brain senses fear and says ‘do not go there. This can create comprehension and cognitive dysfunction.
- Consequences and boundaries
As a parent you are teaching this young soul to deal with life and therefore it is important to teach consequences. These includes outcomes. Therefore when encouraging and coaching your child to do his homework, there needs to be boundaries and consequences. For Example, ‘John, once you have done all your homework you can play outside with your friends.’ The idea is to set a boundary and entice the child to complete tasks that he/she may not like and then offering a reward. It is important that no matter how much nagging the child does the parent remains quiet and reserved and keeps firm to the boundaries and consequences.
- Rewards
Everyone likes rewards and when we guide and coach children that there is a reward in everything we do life is fun. This could be as simple as ‘when you finish putting the dishes way, the reward is you can play and do what you want’. It is simple cause and effect and the brain likes to see the positive naturally.
- Acknowledgments
Children look for praise and acknowledgment to learn and know they are on the ‘right’ path. Encouragement can be with kind words, a hug, quality time and occasionally a gift. Acknowledging the child let’s a child know that they are being supported. ‘David, great work son. You put clothes in the wash so well’.
- Empowering language
When parents use empowering language, it allows the child to access their creative right brain and learn to see and experience empowering insights. Encouraging words that are a must are
ü Want
ü Feel
ü Like
ü Can
ü Will
ü Choose
Remember, coaching your child is easy if it is fun and a game. And remember you are the example of what is possible
Jean Sheehan is the award winning founder of http://www.absoluteempowerment.com/. Jean runs a wide range of courses for parents, adults and children, sharing her techniques which assist in their becoming more empowered and enhancing self-esteem and self-worth.