Feature Blog with Sara Ortiz
Sara Ortiz is the creator of the Activity Book "Color Through Divorce"
What is your name?
How long have you been separated for?
We were separated for 1.5 years. And have been divorced since the end of January.
How many children do you have?
How old are your children?
2.5 year old girl named Olivia
Was the decision to separate a mutual decision between you and your ex?
Yes and no. I found out my husband had been cheating on me for 2 years which was the final blow. I wanted to try to work it out but it just wasn’t. I really didn’t want to get a divorce but after finding out about the cheating I realized there was nothing else I could do.
Did you have to get lawyers involved following your separation or were you able to work everything out between you?
We were able to agree on everything. I hired a lawyer. My ex did not have a lawyer. We were able to do an uncontested divorce.
Looking back on your separation would you do anything differently?
I somewhat regret moving out of my house. When I left my husband I moved myself and our daughter in with my parents and we’ve been here ever since. So having them around has been a great help. But now, I kind of wish I would have stayed or moved back into my house when my ex moved out.
Did the separation have any significant impact/s on your children?
Even though my daughter is only 2.5 I can tell she is upset about the arrangement. But we’ve made an agreement that whenever she’s upset and misses her daddy then she can give me a hug and cuddle with me for as long as she needs. This has been working really well so far.
Did the separation have any impact on your relationship with your children at the time? If so how?
Did you ever engage the services of a Counsellor or Psychologist to help you or your children through the separation process? If so do you feel it was beneficial to you or your children?
I only took a DivorceCare class at a local church but did not see a professional.
What is your relationship with your ex like now?
Fairly amicable. We don’t fight but he has done some things since our separation that makes it difficult to co-parent with him. I’ve taken the approach of skepticism and cool-detachment with him. It might not be the best approach but it’s all I can manage right now.
What is your relationship with your children like now?
If you could give one piece of advice to parents going through separation regarding their children what would it be?
Don’t date while going through a divorce. If you do get into another relationship don’t introduce your children to your new boyfriend/girlfriend. This is not fair to anyone involved, especially your children. Also, get a jumpstart on the healing process. And don’t try to compete with each other.
If you are interested in finding out more about Sara's activity book you can do so by clicking here.