Communicating with my ex

by Admin User / Co Parenting / 12 Oct 2022

Mother and Father with backs towards each other trying to comunicate

I was talking to a John*  who was telling me all about the issues he had with his ex *Sam.

John and Sam had 2 children which were living with both of them on an equal time arrangement.  

But you see, John didn’t trust a thing that Sam said.  If Sam told John that he and the children were busy so they didn’t get to do homework or they missed an activity - John viewed it has irresponsible parenting.  He needs to shape up as a parent was John’s view. 

Everything he did was never good enough according to John. 

John was getting more and more frustrated that, in his view, Sam wasn’t meeting his expectations.

I asked John “Why are you so focussed on what is happening when your kids are with Sam?”

“They are my kids” he snapped back.  “Of course I care about what goes on when they are with him”.

“Why though?  You haven’t mentioned anything to me that suggests that they are at risk.  Everything you have mentioned so far is simply a difference in parenting styles.”

I continued “Try changing the focus.  Instead of worrying about what is going on in Sam’s household, bring the focus to what you are doing and what you are going to do”.  

The more we focus on things, the more evidence we are going to find to support our case.  But co-parenting should never be about a court case.

Co-parenting is all about giving your kids a safe and loving environment where they can move back and forth between you.  

You will get so much more satisfaction as a parent when you focus on what you want to achieve.