It is time to learn and accept that we cannot control everything
With Easter being just around the corner it is the perfect time to start thinking about letting go, acknowledging and accepting what we can and cannot control. Each of us will have different views about what is and is not acceptable. Whether that be about chocolate; Easter gifts; if, when and how much chocolate our children are allowed to eat; and often our view will differ from that of the other parent. So if the children aren’t with you, you may be sitting there stressing that the other parent will be allowing them to eat too much chocolate, or you may be thinking that they won’t be allowed any chocolate at all. It is likely though that these concerns go much further for you and encroach into day-to-day parenting. What shows are they allowed to watch? How often do they have to brush their teeth? All of these little day to day jobs and tasks that have to be done and yet we can be at completely different ends of the scale as to what we each think is acceptable when it comes to parenting.
Even knowing this, letting go is still hard. It is hard to accept that when your children are with the other parent they may have a different style of parenting, they may allow your children to do things that you ordinarily wouldn’t let them do, but that doesn’t mean it is wrong. If we can learn to let go of what we cannot control, i.e. what happens in the other parent’s house, not only are our children going to enjoy their time both at home and with the other parent more but so are you. By letting go you will actually be able to start enjoying, relaxing and making the most of the time that you have apart from your children.
I was on Facebook recently and I was reading a post made by a mother who said that she gets to spend 10 days with her child in a fortnight and then her child goes away to the father’s place for the other 4 nights every fortnight. What struck me about this post is that in the one sentence she said not only how much she is going to miss her child but at the same time how grateful she is for that time apart and that she gets to spend time alone with her daughter and new partner. I thought this was a very courageous statement to make on Facebook. We need to be able to acknowledge that we will miss our children when they are away from us but at the same time we need to be grateful for that time; grateful that we are able to sit back and recharge. Yet if you are sitting there stressing about what is going on in the other parent’s household you are not making the most of that period.
This week I want you to try as much as possible to practice letting go. When you feel yourself getting anxious about what is going on in the other parent’s household, just stop and say to yourself:
“It is out of my control. There is nothing I can do about it. It is out of my control.”
Stay there and repeat this 3 or 4 times, give yourself some big deep breaths and feel yourself letting it go.
I really hope this helps you and I will see you all again next week.
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