Legal Context of Social Work in Domestic Violence
November 6, 2017
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Communication Post-Divorce

Communicating with your ex-partner is not always the easiest thing in the world to do.  Often it depends on how you communicated during your relationship and what circumstances occurred for your relationship to finish.  For those that just fell out of love but remain best friends, communicating post-divorce is pretty straightforward and that’s because of a key element. Mutual respect.

 

Mutual respect is an ingredient that makes communicating with anyone much easier, whether it is a boss, relative, a friend or someone you are booking your next holiday with.  If there is respect for the other person, including allowing the other person to speak, using active listening and having constructive discussions, communicating is a breeze.

But when people divorce, keeping mutual respect is a challenge.  There are reasons the relationship didn’t work and when children are involved things can get pretty complicated pretty quickly.  Perhaps one partner cheated on the other, perhaps career opportunities meant you rarely got to spend quality time together, or perhaps there were power and control issues. There is so many different reasons people divorce but in the end, everyone is expected to communicate well post-divorce.

So, if you are struggling to maintain your mutual respect for your ex, then here are three reasons to try that little bit harder to prioritize respectful communication.

 

1)      For the sake of the children!  We are the role models for our children, and how we communicate with their other parent speaks volumes about what they subconsciously learn about respectful relationships.  If the children hear one parent being disrespectful to the other parent or breaking promises and the list goes on, then these examples are what will shape how the children view relationships and how they will treat their own future partners. 

2)      Learning to communicate respectfully with your ex gives you the freedom to enjoy new relationships and to move on with your life.  Respectful communication just flows, there is no manipulation, setting traps or constantly keeping on top of your lies and this, in turn, frees up your mind to move on with your life and truly be present with your new partner, not sitting up at night strategizing your next manipulative move on your ex.

3)      Because you deserve more.  When your relationship didn’t work and if you have to communicate with your ex, then you most likely share children.  Just because the relationship didn’t work does not mean you don’t deserve the freedom of respectful, easy communication with the other parent and for you both to enjoy the good times with your children and both be there to support them when times get tough.  With respectful communication, your children will grow up knowing they can rely on both mum and dad and you all deserve that!

 

Once people are able to shift their perspective about their ex or why the relationship ended, it is incredible to see how communicating post-divorce can be easy, supportive and respectful, freeing all members of the family to move on with their lives separately but with the ongoing supportive network that is nurtured with respectful communication.

The Our Children Australia vision is to give all separated people the opportunity to communicate in a respectful manner, particularly with features such as communication entries not able to be deleted or manipulated.  By using Our Children Australia most users who may find it difficult to communicate respectfully with their ex, eventually learn new skills of respectful communication and before they know it, communicating in a respectful manner becomes second nature.  None of us are perfect, but we can all try to be respectful of each other and start enjoying the freedom that offers separating families.

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